Posting a small update since I haven’t been writing much as at all lately. Been having a lot of fun in my new apartment, I love being alone and I love having my own everything. I still have a few kinks to work out as far as monetary problems go, but I am feeling much more confident now.

I still owe a lot of back bills from when I moved out, but I am not too sure what to do about it. I can’t stand Comcast and I don’t feel like I deserve to pay them. I also hate ComEd because I am currently paying them so I’m not sure why I need to pay them for “back logs.” They get their money so what the hell is the point? I might see if I can pay them extra or something somehow. 

It all boils down to the need for extra cash, if I can get a better more fulfilling job soon I am sure that everything in my life would be much better. I believe I can actually attribute almost everything going wrong in my life right now to the fact that I don’t make enough money at my job. I know that is bad, but it is the absolute truth. If I had more money I could get out of debt, focus more on school, and be clear of debt to her…

I wish me and her would patch things up and move on. She wants to take it slow, but that totally goes against the way I operate. I move fast, in the moment, and decisively. I know what I want and I tend to go get it if I can, and that’s what I do. Sadly this is the very opposite of slow and I don’t know how exactly I can deal with this. I don’t want to lose her as a friend, we have so much invested in one another in terms of laughs, pains, memories, etc. but at the same time I don’t need anymore friends that what I’ve already got, I want woman in my life that I can call… something.

I like titles, never really minded labels too much. Some labels hurt, such as race labels and things like that. But I normally don’t mind a label, such as Techie, Music Junkie, etc. Naturually a person like me would want someone that I can label love interest, girlfriend, wife…something. It kills me when people try to associate what we are now and I just honestly have no response. I just look… and I don’t know what expression is on my face, but it’s anything but happy. In fact, just today someone asked me did I propose… I just put my head down.

I wish I could find something that could fix everything in a swift blow. For now I am going to keep hope alive that I will find that in the form of a new job, because quite honestly it’s the only thing I can think of on how to fix all this bullshit in my life right now.